Friday, March 20, 2009

jokes

  • Laloo Prasad Yadav goes to see a poor man and says, "I want to arrange a marriage for your son." The poor man replies, "I never interfere in my son's life." Laloo responds, "But the girl is Ambani's daughter." "Well, in that case..." Next Laloo approaches Dhirubhai. "I have a husband for your daughter." "But my daughter is too young to marry." "But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank." "Ah, in that case..." Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank. "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice president." "But I already have more vice presidents than I need." "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law." "Ah, in that case....."
  • When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie `Gavaskar`, but didn’t show anything about me in it!” The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called `Border`, but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"
  • Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,"Allah-u-Akbar"And Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.
  • Ek din, mein dilli pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha, Coolie ne kaha bahar jaake poocho. Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha, "bhai saab Aagre ka kitna loge?" Jawab mila, "bechna nahi hai.." Taxi chhod, maine bus pakad li, conductor se pooncha, "ji.. kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?" Wo gurrra kar bola, "hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai" Maine kaha, "par wo janab to pi rahe hai!" Phir se gurrrraya, "usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai" Aagre pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha, "mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe" Manager ne kaha, "rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?" Room pahucha, waiter se kaha, "ek paani ka gilas milega." Usne jawab diya, "nahi sahab, yaha to saare kanch ke milte hai." Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha, "janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole, "peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahi padi hai...." Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada Usne poocha, "dilli kaise aana hua?" Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, to maine bhi jawab diya,"Train se.." Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,"areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, uuse kuch taja taja khilao.." Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha, "taji hawa kha lijiye." Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha, "areeee sunti ho...inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana." Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha, "bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi....?" Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, "yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?" Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne pote ko soola rahi thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi, "diploma so ja, diploma so ja." Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha, "yaar ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "mere pote ka naam, Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein ise le aayi, isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya." Phir maine pooncha, "aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye...."

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